Alternative Perspectives

I write in response to the post by Loveless Summer, entitled "Singaporeans are scared sh*tless by gay people".

I agree with his general theme. This post of mine is not to critique his argument point by point, because I am swamped with 335912838 things to do right now, but to add some comments in line with his general theme of the fear experienced by The Majority.

Perhaps one of the reasons the repeal did not go through, is that The Majority fears their own behaviour around our gay people. And that may be because many people do not know any gay people, or if they do, their gay friends and acquaintances and (maybe) relatives have not yet dared to tell them they are gay. I would, for example, seriously reconsider telling Thio Li-Ann I was gay (hypothetically), if she were an acquaintance.

I am reminded of Baey Yam Keng's Parliamentary speech on the subject, where he questioned the knowledge and understanding The Majority had of our gays. Here I highlight some quotes from his speech. The emphases in bold are mine.

I assume most Singaporeans do not have many gay acquaintances. We are likely to gather our knowledge and form our opinions of the homosexual world from media reports. I believe certain stereotypes of homosexuals in people’s minds will include effeminate men (eg Boy George), men who prey on young boys (eg Christopher Neil), flamboyant men who seem to lead decadent lifestyles (eg Elton John) and AIDS patients (eg Paddy Chew). I do know quite a number of homosexual men and women. The majority, if not all of them, do not fall into any of those above-mentioned stereotype categories. Well, they include some very talented and creative people, a common descriptor of gays which many have said is unfounded, eg directors, actors, hairstylists and designers. But I also know gay men who many will say are just your average man on the street, making a living as lawyers, lecturers, engineers, accountants, bankers, teachers and civil servants.

[...]

Because of the extensive and some may say, polarized debate, we may not be ready to repeal the act [section 377A] now. However, whether the perceived majority holding the status quo view has enough knowledge and understanding of the subject matter to make an informed opinion, is another question. I suspect a significant segment of our society does not really care and some are just uncomfortable with this topic and choose the convenient way to stick with status quo without knowing what the act [section 377A] exactly is and does.

For now, obviously the government is not going to welcome another call to repeal the gay sex law. It would be tremendously silly for gay rights activists to push hard to do so at this very moment. Therefore in response as a gay rights activist (not a gay activist, thank you), over the next few posts I will instead offer some anecdotal personal perspectives for the Majority to consider. It will be worth hearing the stories of the gay people in a less emo form than has been presented over these past few weeks. (I also recommend reading Ng Yi-Sheng's SQ21, a compilation of personal stories from the LGBT community.)

But we begin with something non-homosexual today, since you're not too used to it. Something light to start off with.

Suppose you are straight, which many of you are. It's not something you think about a great deal. You simply chase girls, or allow yourself to be chased by guys. You have firm ideas about gender roles and feel that those ideas are shared by everybody. Being accepted and validated by your community is very important to you. And you feel that all of Singapore is your community (which I agree is good, btw).

So first I ask: what would you think of girls who express their interest in the men they are interested in? They are straight, just like you. Are they still 'girls'?

Would you continue to see them the same way if you knew they had taken the initiative to show their interest in their guys?

This seems a trivial question, but it is especially relevant to the notion of equal consideration of diversity.

For the guys especially, how would you behave if a girl said that she liked you, in the best-case scenario of foreknowledge where she has given you plentiful hints over some period of time? Would you physically shove her aside? Would you be rude to her? Would you, perhaps, consider her any less of a person for having had the unbelievably "socially unheard of" good grace (or bad taste) to make the first move? Would you, oh horrors, beat her? I hope not.

For the girls, it is much socially ingrained in us that we should not be rude to people, and many of us have developed fairly effective methods for rejecting guys without resorting to physical or emotional violence. But I have also heard horror stories of girls thinking that by right of their birth as girls, that they can trample all over the feelings of the men.

In Singapore there is no culture of courteously and graciously rejecting someone, that I know of. We should begin to develop one, the way we would want to develop a rational basis for thought and opinion in Singapore. You would be quite perturbed if someone rejected you by calling you the worst specimen of your gender ever to live on Earth.

In so many ways, all our people deserve the same courtesy that we wish was shown to us those times long ago in our youth when uncaring girls or guys rejected us badly due to their own fears. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you... People do take hints and good rejections when delivered well.